I wrote a letter to myself. Pretty random, I know.
But I was having a really fat day. You know those days; the ones when your jeans are cutting into your muffin top and your tight fitting tee makes your arms look like an elephant’s thigh. Yip – that’s the one! I have been having quite a few lately.
You see, I have a cortisol problem. It seems like a recent development, one that I am not fond of battling right now, to say the least. In a nutshell, my body seems to think that it is in a constant state of fight or flight. This is caused by a stress overload – well people call it burn out, I call it life – and since my body is in a state of constant stress, it feels the need to release heaps and heaps of cortisol in order to help me to cope. I am not entirely sure if my body thinks that it needs to prepare me to fend off a bear or what, but because of the levels of cortisol, my body is now working against me when it comes to losing body fat. Cortisol is like a fat magnet and is hanging onto as much as it can. This in turn is causing me more stress, which is making me fatter. Can you see the vicious cycle!
You can imagine how very sorry for myself I am feeling. I look in the mirror and all I see is flabby bits where there was once firm muscle. My clothes don’t fit me the way that they’re supposed to and I can’t stop putting junk into my mouth. When I get into this cycle of self loathing, it takes quite a bit to get me out of it and with my body working against me, the last thing I need to start up again are bad eating habits.
So this letter to myself was really an opportunity to change the way I look at myself. I reminded myself that although my jeans may not fit me quite as comfortably as they once did and my butt now wobbles when I jump, I am far from a complete train wreck. I am healthy. I am fit. I am strong. Things that I take for granted nearly every day. I reminded myself that although I am getting older, it doesn’t mean I am getting uglier, in fact all it means is that I am getting wiser. My body may not be what it used to be when I was 21, but it carried two kids, it runs square circles all day and it will probably get me to tomorrow. So for that, I need to be thankful and grateful.
It was with this in mind that I came to the conclusion that although my body may not be supermodel perfect, I am defined by so much more than how much or how little body fat I have.